Last nights planned Rapture (as prophesised in the book of Ezekiel and by Harold Camping (89) of Alameda California) was postponed due to technical difficulties according to a spokesman.
We called heaven at 6.15 pm yesterday (May 21st) and asked for a response. A hesitant spokesman who refused to give his name told us “The uplift mechanism is untried in the field and as with many cutting edge technologies, there are some minor bugs to be ironed out.”
The spokesman admitted that this was not the first time that the technologists of the Lord Almighty have failed to live up to expectations. “Yeah, the second of the Ten Plagues of Egypt was downgraded from ‘dragons’ to ‘frogs’ but chapters 7–12 of Exodus still show that we can kick ass if we want. Frogs are pretty frightening aren’t they? They gross me out.”
But when pressed, he refused or was unable to explain why the elect had not been lifted into heaven at the appointed hour.
“We know people are upset and we fully believe the modern consumer is entitled to an explaination and an appology. I am sure we will be issuing a statement soon… They were big frogs, not little ones. Some were as big as a dinner plate.”
Meanwhile, Camping, who has become a multi-millionaire off the back of his predictions was unavailable for comment.
Jesus Christ is 2044 years old.